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Funny Goodnight Facebook Statustus Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Goodnight Facebook Statustus" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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Whenever you're feeling down, remember; you're the sperm that won.
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373 Likes
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I shaved my commute time in half by changing my car's horn to sound like gunfire.
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705 Likes
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Closing all the internet windows by the time your boss gets to your desk is like getting the keys into the door before the killer gets you.
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841 Likes
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If you listen closely you can hear the gas pump tell your kid's college fund to go fu.. itself.
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636 Likes
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That awkward moment when the teacher says slaves....and everyone looks at that one black kid in the class.
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162 Likes
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I get super paranoid whenever I walk into a store with something that they sell there...
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37 Likes
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Friends are like bum cheeks, shit comes between them but they always stick together.
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332 Likes
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I wish Google maps had an, 'Avoid The Ghetto Route' option.
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230 Likes
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Call me Spider-man because I'm in love with Mary Jane.
Unknown
235 Likes
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420 Facebook Status quotes
I'm not saying she's a slut, but I tried to put her name as my password and it said 'Error: too easy.'
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722 Likes
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Before you marry someone, ask yourself, 'Will they be a good killing partner during the zombie apocalypse?'
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88 Likes
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Ever looked back at your ex and asked yourself was I drunk the entire relationship?
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349 Likes
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Dear Internet Users, Someday u will regret not reading me. Sincerely, Terms & Conditions.
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1055 Likes
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Hey I just met you, & this is crazy. But I'm on bath salts. You're face looks tasty!
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284 Likes
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I stepped on a cornflake this morning...I'm a cereal killer now!
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294 Likes
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I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
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588 Likes
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Always take your drivers license pic STONED, that way whenever you get pulled over, the cop will think you always look like that.
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451 Likes
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I think car horns should sound like gun shots....I bet you'll move then.
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168 Likes
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I saw a license plate yesterday that said "I Miss New York", so I smashed their window and stole their radio.
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649 Likes
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May the itch of a thousand crabs affect the one who ruins your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
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1005 Likes
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