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Funny Joke Status Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Joke Status" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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Last week I did a thing on the Grammys with a Top 10 list. There was a Lindsay Lohan joke about her stealing a Grammy Award. The next day, I got a call from a guy who said, 'Lindsay thought the joke was hilarious! She wants to be on your show!'. I said, 'Great!' I called publicity and said, 'Get the press release out immediately!' It went around the world. People said, 'Are you kidding me?! This will be fantastic! This will be like the Super Bowl'... and then Lindsay Lohan says none of this is happening.
David Letterman
6 Likes
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Cop pulls man over for suspicion of drunk driving. Cop: Sir have you been drinking? Man: No. Cop: Papers. Man: Scissors, I win!
Unknown
1488 Likes
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I don't understand those couples that fight and then a minute later change their Facebook status to 'Single.' I fight with my parents but you dont see me change my status to 'Orphan.'
Unknown
938 Likes
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A funny thing is if you're out hiking and your friend gets bit by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going for help, then go about ten feet and pretend YOU got bit by a snake. Then start an argument about who's going to get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.
Jack Handey
10 Likes
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Good choice putting $4,000 rims on your 1998 Honda Civic. That's like Betty White going out and getting her tits done.
Unknown
476 Likes
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Dear McDonald's, Thank you for not selling hot dogs. I don't think I could order a McWiener with a straight face.
Unknown
707 Likes
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I hate when I'm wearing my Apple Bottom jeans and I can't find my boots with the furrrr.
Unknown
303 Likes
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'Lehme gedda uh' = I would like to order something from your fine establishment, but I have to make up my mind first.
Unknown
180 Likes
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Roses are red, that much is true, but violets are purple, not fu..ing blue.
Unknown
441 Likes
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I'm the kind of person who would come out of the gym...And go straight to McDonalds.
Unknown
157 Likes
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When I have children I am going to make them watch the movie 2012 and tell them I survived that like a Boss!
Jorge Armenta
428 Likes
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When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you??
Nishan Panwar
504 Likes
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Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.
Will Ferrell
1343 Likes
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Welcome to 2012: Presidents are black, rappers are white, and asians play basketball.
Unknown
340 Likes
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Just realized the tooth fairy teaches us to sell our body parts for money!
Unknown
50 Likes
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You traded in your iPhone 4 for an extra half inch? Hope your girlfriend doesn't do the same.
Hussein Nishah
443 Likes
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Call Of Duty will really have a guy thinking about joining the army...then you realize how many times you died.
Unknown
326 Likes
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Calories are just little tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.
Unknown
520 Likes
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If I were a bathroom tile salesman, my pitch would be 'Think of how great this will look in the background of your social networking pics.'
Hussein Nishah
123 Likes
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It's kinda funny how in 2010 and 2011 people were freaking out about 2012. Now it's 2 months from December and no one gives a shit.
Unknown
101 Likes
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