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Jack Handy New Years Day Resolution Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Jack Handy New Years Day Resolution" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, an angel gets set on fire.
Jack Handy
15 Likes
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The tired and thirsty prospector threw himself down at the edge of the watering hole and started to drink. But then he looked around and saw skulls and bones everywhere. Uh-oh, he thought. This watering hole is reserved for skeletons.
Jack Handy
12 Likes
Drink quotes
I do not make new year's resolutions. The only thing I do in excess is be awesome, I'm not going to stop that in 2012.
Unknown
19 Likes
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I hope the world ends in 2012 so I can't be held accountable for my New Year's resolutions.
Unknown
38 Likes
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Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books.
Jack Handy
7 Likes
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We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We will put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Years Day.
Unknown
11 Likes
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It may almost be a question whether such wisdom as many of us have in our mature years has not come from the dying out of the power of temptation, rather than as the results of thought and resolution.
Anthony Trollope
0 Likes
He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, Dust to dust, some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others, I'll be waiting for you in heaven--with a gun.
Jack Handy
19 Likes
Women quotes
Remember you New Years resolution, no more getting upset and loosing your temper. Watching your blood pressure and thinking happy thoughts.
Unknown
4 Likes
I know. I'm lazy. But I made myself a New Years resolution that I would write myself something really special. Which means I have 'til December, right?
Catherine O'Hara
1 Likes
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A simple New Years resolution, forget your PAST for a better FUTURE.
Unknown
58 Likes
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Most people understand life expectancy has changed since Social Security started in 1937 when folks lived to be 59 years old. Today, they live to be 77 years old.
Jack Kingston
1 Likes
My greatest wish for the two of you is that through the years, your love for each other will so deepen and grow, that years from now you will look back on this day, your wedding day, as the day you loved each other the least.
Unknown
577 Likes
Wedding Wishes quotes
My greatest wish for the two of you is that through the years your love for each other will so deepen and grow, that years from now you will look back on this day, your wedding day, as the day you loved each other the least.
Unknown
116 Likes
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We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day.
Edith Lovejoy Pierce
131 Likes
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Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.
Jack Handy
8 Likes
Ambition quotes
New Years Day is to refuel life with a new enthusiasm that energizes to take everything in a more positive way and helps to stay committed to attain excellence that inspires everyone straightaway.
Anuj Somany
54 Likes
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I probably shouldn't be making any new resolutions this year...mainly because I'm still working on the ones from last year.
Unknown
21 Likes
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I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran up and lit the evil puppet villain on fire. No, I didn't. Just kidding. I just said that to help illustrate one of the human emotions, which is freaking out. Another emotion is greed, as when you kill someone for money, or something like that. Another emotion is generosity, as when you pay someone double what he paid for his stupid puppet.
Jack Handy
15 Likes
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I decided to get sober when I took a look around the house I was at one day, and saw nothing but losers. My friends, the losers, sitting around staring at the walls, talking about nothing, and repeating the same patterns everyday. I thought about where I would be in five years, if I stayed with this crowd, and I saw myself as one of the losers, so I went home and told my Mum that I needed to get out of that scene now.
Jack Osbourne
4 Likes
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