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Offensive Humorous Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Offensive Humorous" sorted by relevance. 238 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
Happy Mother's Day to someone who doesn't care if I marry a man or a woman as long as I give you grandkids before you're dead.
Unknown
25 Likes
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Dear Santa, ( ) I've been good all year. ( ) Ok most of the time. ( ) Once in a while. (X) fu.. it. I'll buy my own shit.
Unknown
917 Likes
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OLD, adj. In that stage of usefulness which is not inconsistent with general inefficiency, as an _old man_. Discredited by lapse of time and offensive to the popular taste, as an _old_ book. Old books? The devil take them! Goby said. Fresh every day must be my books and bread. Nature herself approves the Goby rule And gives us every moment a fresh fool. --Harley Shum.
Ambrose Bierce
1 Likes
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Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.
Johnny Carson
42 Likes
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Christmas is a time when you get homesick...even when you're home.
Carol Nelson
103 Likes
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Happy Mother's Day to a mom who shouldn't assume my graduation means the end of my financial dependency.
Unknown
25 Likes
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My lyrics are a big pile of contradictions. They're split between very sincere opinions and feelings that I have, and sarcastic opinions and feelings that I have, and sarcastic and hopeful, humorous rebuttles towards cliche, bohemian ideals that have been exhausted for years. I mean, I like to be passionate and sincere, but I also like to have fun and act like a dork... Geeks Unite.
Kurt Cobain
23 Likes
This year, I'm going to buy all of my Christmas gifts from Nike...Made for kids by kids.
Unknown
51 Likes
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Fathers should teach their sons how to earn money because mothers teach their daughters how to spend it.
Vikrant Parsai
445 Likes
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It's nice, because I never really get to play the straight-edge kid, I'm always a little off beat or kind of play darker roles or really over-the-top humorous roles. But this is kind of a straight-laced kid. You know, a good boy.
Aaron Paul
5 Likes
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Dear Crush, don't be scared if a fat guy in a red suit snatches you away on Christmas Eve. Sincerely, You Were On My Wish List.
Unknown
229 Likes
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Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money.
Unknown
41 Likes
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Dear Santa, Please send your credit card numbers. its only fair since youre getting the credit for the gifts, that you should start paying for them also...
Unknown
59 Likes
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Have a happy Mother's Day before your kids reach an age when they're completely jaded about Mother's Day.
Unknown
19 Likes
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On the 12th day of Christmas, my Facebook gave too me, 12 stupid bi...es, 11 fake people, 10 FB hackings, 9 new po.. websites, 8 wack statuses, 7 ho.. a slurping, 6 bums a posting, 5 ignorant bastards, 4 corny birds, 3 messages, 2 ugly friends, & a girl who smashed the wholeee team.
Unknown
560 Likes
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Victory is produced by and belongs to all. Winning a Super Bowl results from you whole team not only doing their individual jobs but perceiving that those jobs contributed to overall success. The trophy doesn't belong just to a superstar quarterback or CEO, head coach or top salesperson. This is an essential lesson I taught the San Francisco organization: The offensive team is not a country unto itself, nor is the defensive team or the special teams, staff, coaches, or anyone in the organization separate from the fate of the organization. WE are united and fight as one; we win or lose as one.
Bill Walsh
6 Likes
CUPID, n. The so-called god of love. This bastard creation of a barbarous fancy was no doubt inflicted upon mythology for the sins of its deities. Of all unbeautiful and inappropriate conceptions this is the most reasonless and offensive. The notion of symbolizing s..ual love by a semis..less babe, and comparing the pains of passion to the wounds of an arrow --of introducing this pudgy homunculus into art grossly to materialize the subtle spirit and suggestion of the work --this is eminently worthy of the age that, giving it birth, laid it on the doorstep of prosperity.
Ambrose Bierce
24 Likes
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On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends-a-pokin & a creep who won't stop inboxing meeee!
Unknown
1205 Likes
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