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Funny Facebook Bedtime Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Facebook Bedtime" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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Just saw a homeless guy sleeping in a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. It must be his alarm system.
Unknown
145 Likes
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I shaved my commute time in half by changing my car's horn to sound like gunfire.
Unknown
705 Likes
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Closing all the internet windows by the time your boss gets to your desk is like getting the keys into the door before the killer gets you.
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If you listen closely you can hear the gas pump tell your kid's college fund to go fu.. itself.
Unknown
636 Likes
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I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
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My stupid GPS can't find Rack City. bi....
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Ever looked back at your ex and asked yourself was I drunk the entire relationship?
Unknown
349 Likes
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I'm not saying she's a slut, but I tried to put her name as my password and it said 'Error: too easy.'
Unknown
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That awkward moment when the teacher says slaves....and everyone looks at that one black kid in the class.
Unknown
162 Likes
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Whoever said white men can't jump has clearly never played Temple Run.
Unknown
220 Likes
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I always lock my front door before I get in the shower 'cause if a killer broke in & heard me singing I'd be HUMILIATED.
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764 Likes
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A friend of mine said onions are the only food that could make you cry. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
Unknown
585 Likes
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I'm not saying she's a slut but whenever she eats a banana in public, she puts one hand behind her head.
Unknown
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Physical activity within four hours of bedtime and illness can also cause this type of insomnia.
Alistair Sinclair
10 Likes
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The problem is, obesity runs in our family. No, the problem is no-one runs in your family...
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We have a demon, we have an angel inside, within our souls, and you just play with it, and sometimes the evil part of you wins the battle, in a very important decision, or in a bedtime, with your lover. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.
Demian Bichir
2 Likes
I did start reading quite young but I was always read to by my parents, who are both actors. Bedtime stories from when I was about two or three to when I was about 15. In fact they didn't stop until I eventually kind of kicked them out of my bedroom.
Samuel West
3 Likes
Dear Jesus, I can afford wine. How about you start turning water into gas?
Unknown
260 Likes
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Let's promise we'll always stay close friends but ultimately settle for periodic glances at each other's Facebook status updates.
Unknown
27 Likes
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A man asked a fairy to make him desirable & irresistible to all women. She turned him into a credit card.
Unknown
471 Likes
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