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Funny Facebook For Statust Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Facebook For Statust" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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Whenever you're feeling down, remember; you're the sperm that won.
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373 Likes
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I just saved a whole bunch of money on my child support by switching to condoms.
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341 Likes
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I get super paranoid whenever I walk into a store with something that they sell there...
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37 Likes
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Rick Ross shirts be looking like a sheet from a King size bed!
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120 Likes
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Always take your drivers license pic STONED, that way whenever you get pulled over, the cop will think you always look like that.
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451 Likes
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Opening your cabinet, seeing there's about to be an avalanche of stuff falling, and quickly closing it for the next person to deal with.
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567 Likes
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Hey I just met you, & this is crazy. But I'm on bath salts. You're face looks tasty!
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284 Likes
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I think car horns should sound like gun shots....I bet you'll move then.
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168 Likes
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I wish Google maps had an, 'Avoid The Ghetto Route' option.
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230 Likes
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Our sincere condolences to the next woman Michael Douglas gives Catherine Zeta-Jones' HPV to.
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26 Likes
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My stupid GPS can't find Rack City. bi....
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465 Likes
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A friend of mine said onions are the only food that could make you cry. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
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585 Likes
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I saw a license plate yesterday that said "I Miss New York", so I smashed their window and stole their radio.
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649 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
I always lock my front door before I get in the shower 'cause if a killer broke in & heard me singing I'd be HUMILIATED.
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764 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
Closing all the internet windows by the time your boss gets to your desk is like getting the keys into the door before the killer gets you.
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841 Likes
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I wish our s.. life was as passionate as your reaction to the casting news about Fifty Shades of Grey.
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67 Likes
Funny Facebook Status quotes
Friends are like bum cheeks, shit comes between them but they always stick together.
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332 Likes
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That awkward moment when the teacher says slaves....and everyone looks at that one black kid in the class.
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162 Likes
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The problem is, obesity runs in our family. No, the problem is no-one runs in your family...
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585 Likes
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Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: 'Jim's whor.. house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.'
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558 Likes
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