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Funny Jokes Friday Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Jokes Friday" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
Robert Frost
397 Likes
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A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
Tommy Cooper
72 Likes
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Boy: is your name Google?, Girl: No!!... Why? Boy: Because you got everything I am searching for
Unknown
130 Likes
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Lord Jesus; I appreciate very much your sufferings for me and for the rest of humanity. I thank you for saving me through your crushing pain, through your many wounds, through your tiredness and agony and through your Precious Blood shed with so much pain and love for us; through your difficulty to breath, through your sweat and tears, through your merciful patience, through every effort that you made and through your total offering for my sins and for the sins of the whole world.
Unknown
172 Likes
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O my crucified Lord Jesus, I kneel at your feet. Do not cast me out, although I come to you as a sinner. I have offended you much in the past, but I resolve to no longer do so in the future. Help me, dear Lord, for I desire to become good at any cost. Uproot, take away, and destroy in me everythning that is contrary to your will. Enlighten me that I may be enabled to walk in your holy light all the days of my life. Amen.
Unknown
109 Likes
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A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.
Ritu Ghatourey
406 Likes
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Dear haters, I couldn't help but notice that "awesoME" ends with "ME" and "Ugly" starts with "U".
Unknown
130 Likes
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Chinese: Me not come to work, me sick. Boss: When I'm sick I have s.. with my wife, try it. Later Chinese called back: It worked. Me better. You got nice house!
Unknown
372 Likes
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I like to put things back where I got them from when I am done using them...so I dropped your mom off at the bar.
Unknown
232 Likes
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They say that life is too short, I just wonder who took the measurements.
Paballo Nhambiri
215 Likes
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I used to believe in freedom of speech until I had to pay my first phone bill.
Suli Breaks
128 Likes
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If you can't take control, let Jesus take the wheel and hope he's not drunk.
Unknown
38 Likes
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I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack.
Demetri Martin
278 Likes
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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
Tim Vine
166 Likes
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We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home.
Gene Perret
87 Likes
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Marriage is a workshop, where the husband works and the wife shops.
Unknown
633 Likes
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Good Friday morning all....Make it happen today, we all have choices to make. Make them count, no matter how small.
Christopher Brisley
343 Likes
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I know we're not saints or virgins or lunatics; we know all the lust and lavatory jokes, and most of the dirty people; we can catch buses and count our change and cross the roads and talk real sentences. But our innocence goes awfully deep, and our discreditable secret is that we don't know anything at all, and our horrid inner secret is that we don't care that we don't.
Dylan Thomas
77 Likes
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In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this lavatory.
Les Dawson
182 Likes
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Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.
Harry Hill
337 Likes
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