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Funny Tired Jokes Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Tired Jokes" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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3 men were drunk,they stopped a taxi.The taxi driver figured that they were drunk,he just switched on the engine & switched it off & told them, 'we ve arrived'.The 1st guy gave him money, 2nd guy said thanks, but the 3rd guy slapped him.The taxi driver was stunned coz he was hoping that none of them must ve realized that the car didn't move an inch.So he asked,what was that for? Control ur speed next time,u almost killed us.
Unknown
26 Likes
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Girls are the best vehicles in the world because: 2 beautiful headlights in front, 2 great bumbers at the back, self-lubricating when hot, finger touch ignition automatic engine oil change every month. any type of pistons fit, multiple seating styles & adjustments. great accessories, automatic and manuall drive from both sides. ready 4 test drive any time.. ;)
Unknown
388 Likes
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When we first talked to each other I knew we would always be friends. Our friendship has kept on growing and I'll be here for you to the end. You listen when I have a problem and help dry the tears from my face. You take away my sorrow and put happiness in its place. We can't forget the fun we've had. Laughing 'til our faces turn blue. Talking of things only we find funny. People think we're insane. If they only knew! I guess this is my way of saying thanks for catching me when I fall. Thanks once again for being such a good friend and being here with me through it all.
Unknown
605 Likes
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Crabbed age and youth cannot live together; Youth is full of pleasance, age full of care; Youth like the summer morn, age like winter weather; Youth like summer brave, age like winter bare.
William Shakespeare
18 Likes
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When I tweet, I tweet to kill.
Unknown
193 Likes
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The error of youth is to believe that intelligence is a substitute for experience, while the error of age is to believe experience is a substitute for intelligence.
Unknown
14 Likes
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Stepping up. It's a simple concept. It basically means to rise above yourself; to do a little more, to show you something special. Something like this. Lucas is gone, but that doesn't mean the season is over. As a matter of fact, I say it's just beginning. You might want to stay out of my way for a while. Life's funny sometimes; can push pretty hard like when you fall in love with someone but they forget to love you back, like when your best friend and your boyfriend leave you alone, like when you pull the trigger or light the flame and you can't take it back. Like I said, in sports they call this 'stepping up'. In life, I call it 'pushing back.
Nathan Scott
45 Likes
I absolutely have no foresight. I used to think I had a lot when I was younger. I worked really hard in school to give myself options, and I've literally taken those options and thrown them down the toilet. Purposely - not to make that sound totally negative. It's what I want. I want to keep doing what I'm doing. It's funny, people ask me all the time: 'What do you do for fun? What do you do when you're not acting?' It's a strange thing, acting. It's a business, it's a job, everything like that. All it is, is self-reflection. You just never stop caring about people and I've never stopped doing that, so I'm sure it'll seep into other areas of my life. I want to write. I'm not going to school because I can't take the structure of it, but I'm not going to stop learning.
Kristen Stewart
41 Likes
When I was very young and the urge to be someplace was on me, I was assured by mature people that maturity would cure this itch. When years described me as mature, the remedy prescribed was middle age. In middle age I was assured that greater age would calm my fever and now that I am fifty-eight perhaps senility will do the job. Nothing has worked. In other words, I don't improve, in further words, once a bum always a bum. I fear the disease is incurable.
John Steinbeck
43 Likes
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Do I listen to pop music because I'm miserable or am I miserable because listen to pop music?
John Cusack
9 Likes
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The enemy of society is middle class and the enemy of life is middle age.
Orson Welles
9 Likes
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Jesse's funny and easy to talk to. I'm a really big dork, and instead of making fun of me, he goes along with it. It may be weird to some people, but I wasn't playing 'Katie' in that video, I was playing someone else. Even though that video was how a lot of people learned about our dating, it wasn't like Katie kissing Jesse. It was the girl int he video kissing the guy in the video.
Katie Cassidy
64 Likes
The stone age was marked by man's clever use of crude tools; the information age, to date, has been marked by man's crude use of clever tools.
Unknown
17 Likes
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When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven!
Unknown
51 Likes
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Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
James H Kabbler III
25 Likes
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A smile is a sign of joy, a hug is a sign of love, a laugh is a sign of happiness and a friend like me... well ...that's a sign of good taste.
Unknown
320 Likes
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They came down on my 50th birthday to the Whisky and played 45 minutes of old Mot�rhead songs! I always thought Metallica were good from day one. But when I first met Lars Ulrich, he was a horrible mouthy brat, same as he is now. He was head of Mot7ouml;rhead's West Coast fan club; what he didn't tell us was that he and Cliff [Burton, Metallica's original bassist] were the only members! Lars is a true friend. I'd hide him even if he were charged for murder. And Jimmy [James Hetfield] is frickin' funny as shit. I wish he wouldn't take everything so seriously, though. It seems to be messing with his head.
Motorhead
42 Likes
CUPID, n. The so-called god of love. This bastard creation of a barbarous fancy was no doubt inflicted upon mythology for the sins of its deities. Of all unbeautiful and inappropriate conceptions this is the most reasonless and offensive. The notion of symbolizing s..ual love by a semis..less babe, and comparing the pains of passion to the wounds of an arrow --of introducing this pudgy homunculus into art grossly to materialize the subtle spirit and suggestion of the work --this is eminently worthy of the age that, giving it birth, laid it on the doorstep of prosperity.
Ambrose Bierce
24 Likes
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I have to hand it to NBC. They've done a great job sticking with this show and they really do believe in it comedically. And yes, there really is a groundswell that is growing in support for the show. It's so funny because you read these things about our ratings and about our demographic. Our best demographic is young males, like college students and twenty-somethings love it and then rich people love it. Rich families with incomes over a hundred thousand dollars. So you've got rich people (laughs) and young guys especially watching it, and a lot of young girls too.
Rainn Wilson
2 Likes
No, I am not single. I am in a long distance relationship because my boyfriend lives in the FUTURE.
Unknown
433 Likes
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