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Funny Martha Stewaen On T Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Martha Stewaen On T" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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I failed my Driver's test. Driving teacher: 'What do you do at a red light?' Me: 'I usually respond to texts and check my Facebook.'
Unknown
758 Likes
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I've risen from the dead. Though sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I feel like I've died. I swear I'm aging in dog years. But no, I'm not dead. It's funny how stuff like that gets started.
Tony Stewart
68 Likes
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Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Unknown
17 Likes
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Don't do drugs kids. There's a time and place for everything. It's called college.
South Park
687 Likes
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I like my women like I like my weekend - short, filled with liquor and gone by Monday.
Unknown
393 Likes
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At the gym Boy doing sit-ups: '1...2...3...' Hot girl walks by Boy: '97...98...99...'
Unknown
193 Likes
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I always thought by 2013 we would have flying cars. Instead, we have blankets with sleeves.
Unknown
97 Likes
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If swimming is such a good way to stay in shape; Explain whales...
Unknown
175 Likes
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Let's pencil each other in for a New Year's Eve kiss, with the understanding we'll drop each other if someone better comes along.
Unknown
6 Likes
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My New Year's resolution is to stop lying to myself about making lifestyle changes.
Unknown
21 Likes
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Let's put significant pressure on ourselves to have a fun New Year's Eve.
Unknown
8 Likes
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Let's kiss on New Year's Eve 2013 as if we might have a future together in 2014.
Unknown
47 Likes
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To me, the musical is best when it's a musical comedy. So if you have a very, very funny show, and very good, funny songs, that's what the musical does best.
Eric Idle
4 Likes
A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't understand two things: 1 - Women, 2 - Fractions.
Melchor Lim
101 Likes
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I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.
Shirley Temple
44 Likes
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Going to McDonald's for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
Unknown
1203 Likes
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My parents told me 'You watch too much TV and should try reading more!' So I turned on the subtitles.
Unknown
929 Likes
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When I was a kid, I used to sing, 'A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P'
Unknown
2231 Likes
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Its crazy because people expect you to be funny all the time and every day is not a funny day. I go to funerals and people are like 'tell a joke' and 'say one of your lines in a movie.' ITS A FUNERAL MAN!
Chris Tucker
34 Likes
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A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.
Sam Ewing
2534 Likes
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