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Funny New Homenny New Homenew Homehomenew Home Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny New Homenny New Homenew Homehomenew Home" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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When people ask me plz because it's shorter than please. I tell them no because it's shorter than yes .
Unknown
357 Likes
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Shortest horror story in history: Tomorrow is Monday.
Unknown
375 Likes
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The leadership instinct you are born with is the backbone. You develop the funny bone and the wishbone that go with it.
Dwight Eisenhower
48 Likes
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The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time.
Joe Rogan
2 Likes
Trust me, when I woke up today I had no plans to be awesome, but shit happens.
Unknown
660 Likes
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The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job.
Slappy White
16 Likes
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Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.
Ogden Nash
150 Likes
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Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty sho...
Unknown
1758 Likes
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Some people are really going all out for Halloween. The guy driving behind me even got sirens & flashing lights to go with his cop costume.
Unknown
355 Likes
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God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
Garrison Keillor
1907 Likes
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I resolve to stop having meaningless s.. in 2014, so I suggest you pay me a compliment or get me liquored up ASAP.
Unknown
17 Likes
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Don't cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse.
Unknown
1833 Likes
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You know, he would go and look at different funny books because he wanted his character to be different and make different faces. I saw a funny book in his room and it looked like the same character he was playing. It was about a duck.
Bubba Smith
6 Likes
Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.
Robert Maynard Hutchins
77 Likes
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A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table theres nothing wrong with them, but its hard to stop thinking about it.
Unknown
23 Likes
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The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock this morning is the fact that its my cellphone.
Unknown
1254 Likes
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There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world.
Jean Baudrillard
38 Likes
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I love how when my soap runs out in the shower, my shampoo magically transforms into body wash.
Unknown
561 Likes
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Chris Hemsworth is like Christopher Reeve in that he can do two things: he can wear a big red cape without a shred of self-consciousness. But he's also funny as hell, and he's so sweet. So with all the fish-out-of-water stuff, he's so funny. So he does almost two jobs in a way.
Tom Hiddleston
7 Likes
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Voltaire
20 Likes
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