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Funny Witty F Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Witty F" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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When I exercise, I wear all black. It's like a funeral for my fat.
Unknown
137 Likes
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My daughter said she's gonna be a hoe for Halloween. I think it's cute that she likes gardening.
Unknown
234 Likes
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I've never cooked. I can't do much more in the kitchen than make a cup of tea and some toast.
Ethel Merman
5 Likes
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When you don't have a good signal on your phone and you go all lion king on it.
Unknown
133 Likes
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It's funny how you go through the year day by day but nothing changes, then when you look back, everything's different.
Ritu Ghatourey
205 Likes
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My daughter's really into the Halloween spirit. She's been in her pregnant lady constume for months now.
Unknown
297 Likes
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s.. is always funny. I don't find it s..y, I find it really horrifying. But it's an act that we need. And that need, that desire, is what makes it really funny.
Elizabeth Banks
2 Likes
When it comes to war, we focus more on the mainstream coverage of the event, rather than the event itself. People dying is never funny. Protest puppets are always funny.
Mo Rocca
0 Likes
I love yoga pants. Not only are they comfortable, but they make my butt look great.
Unknown
59 Likes
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SINGLE AND (maybe if youre attractive funny and educated and/or Ryan Gosling ) READY TO MINGLE.
Unknown
281 Likes
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Shortest horror story in history: Tomorrow is Monday.
Unknown
375 Likes
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Wishing you even a minuscule percentage of the wealth and attention that will be showered upon the Kardashian fetus in 2013.
Unknown
7 Likes
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Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She was digging it.
Les Dawson
1182 Likes
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I wonder what the blood alcohol level is of all these mosquitos that keep biting me?
Unknown
372 Likes
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If my boss knew how unproductive I am on Fridays, he wouldn't want me here either.
Unknown
178 Likes
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I have to continue reminding myself that it's Halloween so I can't rely on my instincts to shoot zombies in the head.
Unknown
120 Likes
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Today I saw a baby with a bib that said 'This dumbass put my cape on backwards.'
Unknown
921 Likes
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The leadership instinct you are born with is the backbone. You develop the funny bone and the wishbone that go with it.
Dwight Eisenhower
48 Likes
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Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty sho...
Unknown
1758 Likes
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The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job.
Slappy White
16 Likes
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