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Sunday Jokes Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Sunday Jokes" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
The fastest way to meet new people is to pick up somebody else's change at a cocktail bar.
Sam Ewing
25 Likes
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I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
Dennis Miller
44 Likes
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I once made love to a female clown, and she twisted my pe..s into a poodle.
Dan Whitney
109 Likes
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My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.
Bob Monkhouse
145 Likes
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Since it started raining all my wife has done is look through the stupid window. If it gets any worse I'll have to let her in.
Nikhil Saluja
103 Likes
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I had a dream that I was drowning in orange soda. Turned out it was just a Fanta sea.
Unknown
93 Likes
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My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
Eric Morecambe
44 Likes
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That awkward moment when your friend jokingly says something about you but it secretly true.
Unknown
101 Likes
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Condoms are like women...most of the time they're pretty annoying, but you need them to get laid.
Unknown
119 Likes
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henry Youngman
370 Likes
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Simba was walking too slow, so I told him to Mufasa.
Unknown
224 Likes
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Give a lift to a tomato, you expect her to be nice, don't ya? After all, what kind of dames thumb rides, Sunday school teachers?
Martin Goldsmith
1 Likes
If I have a Sunday free, I'll go up the coast and spend some time on the beach. I scuba dive and swim and sail. A lot of the things I like are around the water.
Parker Stevenson
2 Likes
I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
George Carlin
10 Likes
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I still went to church regularly every Sunday; that is we all went there together. I reverenced the family pew where we had assembled for so many years; and apart from that reason I hold it dear because it is associated in my memory with my mother.
Pierre Loti
0 Likes
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Ways to die: steal my food, touch me, look through my phone.
Unknown
145 Likes
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The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car... Is having to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
Unknown
478 Likes
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I call our bathroom 'The Vault' because the door's always locked and whatever goes on in there costs a $hitload of money.
Jeff Foxworthy
24 Likes
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When you are in a room and your job is to write jokes 10 hours a day, your mind starts going to strange places.
Seth MacFarlane
2 Likes
I was on a game show. When I lost, they gave me a lovely parting gift. It was a comb.
Scott Roeben
47 Likes
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