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Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
Laurence J Peter
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One man's folly is another man's wife.
Helen Rowland
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Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
Robert Orben
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Oh, the tiger will love you. There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
George Bernard Shaw
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O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
Saint Augustine
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Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
H L Mencken
11 Likes
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Never wear anything that panics the cat.
P J ORourke
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Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
Robert Orben
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Never have more children than you have car windows.
Erma Bombeck
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Never floss with a stranger.
Joan Rivers
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Never fight an inanimate object.
P J ORourke
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My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
Mike Myers
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My inner child is not wounded.
Shannen Doherty
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My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.
Jay London
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My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg
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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
Emo Philips
54 Likes
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Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him.
Marlene Dietrich
23 Likes
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Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.
Henry A Kissinger
32 Likes
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Groucho Marx
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Life is hard. After all, it kills you.
Katharine Hepburn
30 Likes
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