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Forklift Driver Jokes Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Forklift Driver Jokes" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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The reason most comedies don't win awards is that the filmmakers put the comedy first. This means you have to create a story around the jokes.
Paul Feig
0 Likes
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Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pi.ps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pi.p is a whole other thing.
Chris Rock
11 Likes
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Boy: Why can't tampons talk? Girl: Because they're stuck up bi...es.
Dylan Nace
227 Likes
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I ain't saying the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance...she leaned over and pushed me.
Anonymous
106 Likes
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I grew up as the ugly duckling. I was the only one with a dark skin and therefor I didn't really fit in. A lot of people made jokes of me as 'the adopted one.'
Eva Longoria
13 Likes
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I reserve the right to tell shaggy dog stories or even common jokes as part of what I'm doing. I don't give a damn if half the audience walks out.
David Antin
9 Likes
French wine growers fear that this year's vintage may be entirely spoiled due to the g.... treaders' sit-in.
Ronnie Corbett
23 Likes
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I never leave a dog alone in a car on a hot day. I make sure it's with an elderly person holding a baby.
Dane Cook
76 Likes
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I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite. You see the trouble is he's very old fashioned. When he gives you an injection you have to bite on a bullet.
Les Dawson
59 Likes
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The thing about all good horror movies is that the fans expect a couple of inside jokes. Maybe I'm supposed to be saying how terrified I was while making it, but it was really fun.
Margot Kidder
0 Likes
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My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.
Wendy Leibman
111 Likes
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Today is International Sword Swallowers Day. Im sure there are lots of jokes there, but figured the legit carnies deserve a shout out.
Neil Patrick Harris
7 Likes
I recently did the David Letterman Show about my book. He was very serious and made no jokes and it caught me off guard a little bit. He was much more serious than some of the joke shows that journalists get on.
Bob Woodward
0 Likes
Dear math, grow up and solve your own stupid problems I'm sick and tired of doing it for you!
Unknown
195 Likes
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Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaagghhh!!' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Tommy Cooper
21 Likes
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
Emo Philips
409 Likes
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What is the best s..ual position to create a gorgeous, charming absolutely attractive and cute baby?.... Ask my parents!
Unknown
201 Likes
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Last christmas my sister, Geri, gave me a lovely Cloth calendar. It only took me 5 hours to sew in a Doctor's appointment...
Robert Paul
67 Likes
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I'm the kind of person who would come out of the gym...And go straight to McDonalds.
Unknown
157 Likes
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Then a dog began to howl somewhere in a farming house far down the road - a long, agonized wailing, as if from fear... Then, far off in the distance, from the mountains on each side of us began a louder and a sharper howling - that of wolves - which affected both horses and myself in the same way - for I was minded to jump from the caleche and run, whilst they reared again and plunged madly, so that the driver had to use all his great strength to keep them from bolting.
Bram Stoker
6 Likes
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