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Friends Funny Jokes Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Friends Funny Jokes" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.'
Tim Vine
53 Likes
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Its funny how sometimes the people you'd take a bullet for, are the ones behind the trigger.
Ritu Ghatourey
596 Likes
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Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.
Unknown
15 Likes
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My friends are getting married. I'm getting drunk. I think we know who the real winner is.
Unknown
108 Likes
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Two people are never such good friends as when they are share a mutual dislike of a third person.
Unknown
28 Likes
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I cannot forgive my friends for dying; I do not find these vanishing acts of theirs at all amusing.
Unknown
22 Likes
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Its funny how you can grow away from your friends, when just a few years ago they were the most important people in your life.
Unknown
149 Likes
Ex Friend quotes
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
Mark Twain
28 Likes
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Friends are like condoms. They are always there to protect you when things get hard.
Unknown
614 Likes
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I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
Mark Twain
68 Likes
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There are 3 faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.
Benjamin Franklin
8 Likes
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We'll be perfect roommates as long as you never touch anything of mine and leave the second my friends come over.
Unknown
34 Likes
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There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.
Benjamin Franklin
27 Likes
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Since today is Valentine's day, I was wondering if you'd like to go back to MySpace, so I can Twitter with your Yahoo, until I Google all over your Facebook and we can Instagram our date... ;) Happy Valentine's Day, Everyone!!
Unknown
495 Likes
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You can't stand when I have my eyes set on someone else, but don't you realize that I go weak when I'm around you. I always laugh and smile at your jokes even when they're not funny. I take every single chance I have to talk to you. You make me melt in many different ways. I'm crazy about you, but would I ever confess this? I don't think I ever will. It's not that I'm scared. It's just that, you'll never feel the same way.
Unknown
192 Likes
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Elementary school: 30 friends. Middle school: 20 friends. High school: 10 friends. College: 3 Real friends.
Unknown
126 Likes
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When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
Mark Twain
35 Likes
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It's funny, I listen to friends who talk about back when they were 14, eight, 16, whatever, as if it was yesterday. Me, I've no idea what I did. It's all a blur, I'm afraid.
Catherine McCormack
19 Likes
Best friends are those who, when you show up at their door with a dead body, say nothing, grab a shovel, and follow you.
Unknown
8 Likes
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If if you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me and we can make fun of people together.
Unknown
163 Likes
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