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Funny For Saturday Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny For Saturday" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
Facebook's timeline is my favorite way to watch girls from high school get fat.
Unknown
723 Likes
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Dear Santa, Please send your credit card numbers. its only fair since youre getting the credit for the gifts, that you should start paying for them also...
Unknown
59 Likes
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I dont make enough money to go on vacation, so I'm just going to get drunk this weekend until I dont know where I am.
Unknown
382 Likes
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A drunken man was dreaming that he died and reincarnated on earth as a chicken. He became heavy and tried to lay an egg! He pushed and pushed and laid the 1st egg, then the 2nd. He was pushing to lay a 3rd egg when his wife screamed ''James! You're shitting on the bed!"
Unknown
604 Likes
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I have an eating disorder. I be eatin DIS order of fries, and DIS order of nuggets, and DIS order of wings and so on, so on, you get it.
Unknown
291 Likes
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My pillow is my best hair styler, every morning I wake up with a new hair style.
Unknown
382 Likes
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Being high is one of the most pleasant sensations available to mankind. Every day is Saturday. It is to be like a child; to perceive events with clarity; to look into the gates of paradise; to completely enjoy whatever you might be doing; to smile so hard that your jaw muscles get tired. Being high is to laugh at the silliest things; to understand things that have seemed absurd before; to have the aloofness of a cat; to afford a kinship with god. To be intoxicated with marijuana makes every superlative seem within your grasp. Being high makes life seem terribly good. Being high is simply grand.
John Rosevear
200 Likes
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My ideal man would be funny and fat with a beard. I love fat men. I like real men. I don't like really feminine men who tan. I don't understand that. I like a funny man, though. Russell Brand's not quite my type, but if he had a fat, bearded friend, that would be perfect.
Kesha
38 Likes
My ideal man would be funny and fat with a beard. I love fat men. I like real men. I dont like really feminine men who tan. I dont understand that. I like a funny man, though. Russell Brands not quite my type, but if he had a fat, bearded friend, that would be perfect.
Kesha
18 Likes
The problem is, obesity runs in our family. No, the problem is no-one runs in your family...
Unknown
585 Likes
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I think it's funny that most people who claim to be 'pro life' are also pro gun. And by funny I mean sad. And by people I mean morons.
Unknown
26 Likes
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Cop pulls man over for suspicion of drunk driving. Cop: Sir have you been drinking? Man: No. Cop: Papers. Man: Scissors, I win!
Unknown
1488 Likes
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Sorry the movie New Year's Eve will still be more enjoyable than your actual New Year's Eve.
Unknown
1 Likes
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Weird people are funny. If you're just completely normal, you're boring. So I so much prefer weird people to boring people.
Bobbie
29 Likes
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If couples who are in love are called 'love birds', then couples who always argue should be called 'angry birds.'
Unknown
1326 Likes
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I don't think fat is pretty. If I saw some big fat leopard walking through the jungle, I'd start laughing. Or if I was at the races, I saw some 150-lb. greyhound running against the other lean greyhounds, I'd start laughing too. It doesn't seem very natural. It doesn't look healthy. It doesn't look sleek or stealth. It looks funny. I think that's why people through history laugh at fat people. They're round and funny-looking.
Kirstie Alley
27 Likes
Facebook should have a limit on how many times a relationship status can be change ... after 3 times it should be change default to UNSTABLE!
Ronak Gurung
5225 Likes
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For April Fools Day, I think Facebook should switch the search box and the status update box around. So people would post updates on who they stalk.
Unknown
6546 Likes
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Fake news executives are nicer than real news executives, though real news executives are funnier than fake news executives. They dont know theyre being funny.
Stephen Colbert
491 Likes
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Women spend more time thinking about what men think, then men spend thinking!
Unknown
111 Likes
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