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Murder Jokesder Jokesmurder Jokesder Jokes Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Murder Jokesder Jokesmurder Jokesder Jokes" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
Henry Youngman
370 Likes
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I once made love to a female clown, and she twisted my pe..s into a poodle.
Dan Whitney
109 Likes
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My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and he said 'Do I know you?'
Steven Wright
72 Likes
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I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
Dennis Miller
44 Likes
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My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.
Bob Monkhouse
145 Likes
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Zac Efron is like a brother who's just goofy and crazy. He plays a lot of practical jokes.
Ashley Tisdale
30 Likes
I write for Reader's Digest. It's not hard. All you do is copy out an article and mail it in again.
Milt Kamen
51 Likes
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The fastest way to meet new people is to pick up somebody else's change at a cocktail bar.
Sam Ewing
25 Likes
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My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
Eric Morecambe
44 Likes
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Political language. . . is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind.
George Orwell
4 Likes
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Countries and states which have capital punishment have a much higher rate of murder and crime than countries that do not, so that makes sense to me, and the moral question - I struggle with it morally.
Charlize Theron
0 Likes
A diplomat had been kidnapped, a cabinet minister had been kidnapped, they were under threats of murder. The police forces were rather tired. After a whole week, we were unable to find those that had effected the kidnappings.
Robert Bourassa
0 Likes
And, quite frankly, I fully expected to be charged with murder, because they weren't charging anybody. I did it in terms of, I felt like I was throwing down the gauntlet saying look, this is what happened. There's a family out there that needed to know what happened.
Patty Hearst
2 Likes
In all ages the people have honored those who dishonored them. They have worshiped their destroyers; they have canonized the most gigantic liars, and buried the great thieves in marble and gold. Under the loftiest monuments sleeps the dust of murder.
Robert Ingersoll
18 Likes
If al Qaeda or any other enemy of our country manages to create a situation or explode a bomb or murder or incapacitate large numbers of our people, we cannot wait for 7 weeks of a special election in order to deal with that.
Dana Rohrabacher
0 Likes
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The truth is often a terrible weapon of aggression. It is possible to lie, and even to murder with the truth.
Alfred Adler
2 Likes
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You stopped by my house first, Mister Blues and blues, you didn't do me much good. You, should have heard me beggin. Blues, don't murder me.
Buddy Guy
2 Likes
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
Phyllis Diller
37 Likes
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Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
Frank Carson
63 Likes
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I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle-baby.
Henry Youngman
41 Likes
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