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Nasty Hurtful Funny Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Nasty Hurtful Funny" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.
Unknown
137 Likes
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What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
Phyllis Diller
42 Likes
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May the New Year bring you significantly more joy than the holidays did.
Unknown
20 Likes
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This year let's resolve to make better bad decisions.
Unknown
30 Likes
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Thanks for inviting me to a New Year's party I'll have no recollection of attending.
Unknown
10 Likes
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Having fun in the sun, getting laid in the shade, summer's here...
Unknown
40 Likes
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Sometimes at home I talk in my sleep, but at school I sleep while others are talking.
Unknown
473 Likes
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Great, big, serious novels always get awards. If it's a battle between a great, big, serious novel and a funny novel, the funny novel is doomed.
Neil Gaiman
0 Likes
People who are funny and smart and return phone calls get much better press than people who are just funny and smart.
Howard Simons
8 Likes
I know its not Christmas, but Santa's lap is always ready.
Unknown
143 Likes
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Getting my dragon was perhaps the biggest surprise. I was in Amsterdam and got a little crazy, dropping my pants at a tattoo parlour and woke up the next morning and saw this really funny dragon. Ive always wanted a dragon but this one had a funny blue tongue. To me a dragon is very much a woman, strong and elegant.
Angelina Jolie
7 Likes
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
Bernard Manning
86 Likes
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What I thought I was going to do over the summer: hang with friends, have a party, go swimming, go to the beach. What I did: Internet.
Unknown
110 Likes
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Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
Unknown
71 Likes
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When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!
Hussein Nishah
270 Likes
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I wanted to send you something AMAZING for Christmas but the mailman told me to get out of the mailbox...
Unknown
146 Likes
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Marriage is an institution in which a Man loses his Bachelors degree, and the Woman gets her Masters.
Nikhil Saluja
347 Likes
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There are two types of human beings found on Facebook. One who gets enormous amount of likes and comments on their posts. And the others are men.
Unknown
1102 Likes
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Friends are like underwear, always near you. Good friends are like condoms, always protecting you. Best friends are like viagra, lift you up when you are down.
Unknown
2145 Likes
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I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and run to my sister's house and ask her for money.
Kevin Meaney
175 Likes
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