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Funny Facebook Date Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Facebook Date" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
Unknown
2640 Likes
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Whats the worst thing to do to a blind person? Leave the plunger in the toilet.
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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Unknown
617 Likes
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Sorry your decision to quietly change your relationship status was broadcast to every single one of your Facebook friends.
Unknown
13 Likes
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When I kill a bug in my house, I leave the dead body around for a bit to warn the others.
Unknown
436 Likes
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When you're putting on jeans with holes and your foot goes through the hole.
Unknown
72 Likes
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That Rebecca Black moment when you get on the bus & don't know which seat to take.
Unknown
368 Likes
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I'm much more upset about Breaking Bad's shutdown than about the government's.
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107 Likes
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There is nothing as disgusting as the feeling you get the moment that your finger breaks through the toilet paper.
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305 Likes
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Thanks for inviting me to your baby shower, it reminded me to take my birth control pill.
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205 Likes
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If your relationship is so complicated that you have to specify it as such on Facebook, you should get off Facebook and fix it.
Unknown
143 Likes
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Am I on facebook because I'm bored, or am bored because I'm on facebook?
Unknown
469 Likes
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'Funny People' is my favorite performance of myself to date. Even though it's a comedy and there are serious moments, I really felt like Leo felt like a real person. It didn't feel like I was playing myself. Whether it's a comedy or drama, I just try to make it as realistic as possible.
Jonah Hill
5 Likes
The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.
Unknown
960 Likes
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The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
Johnneil Bertrand
505 Likes
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Sorry the casting of Fifty Shades of Grey has caused you to completely revamp your mastur...... fantasies.
Unknown
63 Likes
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I stepped on a cornflake this morning...I'm a cereal killer now!
Unknown
294 Likes
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Hey I just met you, & this is crazy. But I'm on bath salts. You're face looks tasty!
Unknown
284 Likes
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I always lock my front door before I get in the shower 'cause if a killer broke in & heard me singing I'd be HUMILIATED.
Unknown
764 Likes
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Always take your drivers license pic STONED, that way whenever you get pulled over, the cop will think you always look like that.
Unknown
451 Likes
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