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Funny Wife One Liners Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Wife One Liners" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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Winner of Worlds Best Wife Award. Category; Nagging.
Unknown
35 Likes
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I don't know. I suppose I grew up wishing I was an American Jew for the comedy and the one-liners. 'The Sunshine Boys' is one of my favorite films And maybe a bit of liberation, knowing that if I said it in American people would know what I meant. So I was trying on my language skills.
Ricky Gervais
44 Likes
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
James H Kabbler III
25 Likes
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A drunken man was dreaming that he died and reincarnated on earth as a chicken. He became heavy and tried to lay an egg! He pushed and pushed and laid the 1st egg, then the 2nd. He was pushing to lay a 3rd egg when his wife screamed ''James! You're shitting on the bed!"
Unknown
604 Likes
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Never join with your friend when he abuses his horse or his wife, unless the one is about to be sold, the other to be buried.
Charles Caleb Colton
8 Likes
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The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn't around to propose to her.
Jarod Kintz
25 Likes
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Wife: I love you. Husband: I love you too. Wife: Prove it, scream it to world. Husband:*whispers in ear* I love you. Wife: Why'd you whisper it to me? Husband: Because you are my world.
Harriet Morgan
846 Likes
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I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
Ilie Nastase
21 Likes
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My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. Its titled, Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.
Unknown
15 Likes
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Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do...but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did.
Unknown
11 Likes
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield
152 Likes
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It takes a strong person to be a soldier. It takes a stronger person to love a soldier. Support our troops.
Sarah Moores
82 Likes
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When I tried to do a search for marital advise on Google, it tried to finish my sentence for me, just like my wife does.
Hussein Nishah
73 Likes
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Military wife; the toughest job in the military.
Unknown
31 Likes
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There is trouble with a wife, but it's even worse with a woman who is not a wife
Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy
3 Likes
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My wife never gives up. She is so insistent that she entered the wrong password over and over again until she managed to convince the computer that she's right.
Hussein Nishah
116 Likes
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s..ually deprived for your freedom.
Unknown
48 Likes
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It's not a good idea to put your wife into a novel; not your latest wife anyway.
Norman Mailer
1 Likes
England is my wife, America my mistress. It is very good sometimes to get away from one's wife.
Cedric Hardwicke
0 Likes
Dana I have never cheated on my wife, not since she became my wife, but if you wanna jerk me in the car now, Im game.
Ari Gold
4 Likes
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