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You say I'm a bi**h? Well a bi**h is a dog, and dogs bark, and bark is on trees, and trees are a part of nature. Nature is beautiful, so thanks for the compliment
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Dear phone, Thank you for not making me look like a loner in awkward situations. Sincerely me
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People say that beauty is on the inside, but I would prefer a pretty face over a pretty kidney.
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I like food and sleep. So if I give you my food, or text you late at night, you are special to me.
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The most exercise you get is running your mouth, jumping to conclusions, and pushing your luck.
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If you ran as much as you run your mouth, you would be in great shape.
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I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.
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History always tells a story... That's why you must always clear it before your dad uses the computer!
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I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow up, because I am still looking for ideas.
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Don't play hard to get when your face is already hard to want.
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Anyone who uses the phrase 'easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried taking candy from a baby.
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If anyone ever breaks your heart, just remember they are only human and you can break their body.
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How am I supposed to grow up and make life choices when I still use my fingers to count, and I still sing the whole alphabet to find out which letter comes next.
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There are three sides to an argument, your side, my side, and the right side, which is still my side!
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Ways to die: steal my food, touch me, look through my phone.
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Home isn't where the heart is, home is a place you go where they are obligated to let you in.
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Some of the greatest ideas of all time have come to people during Math class... none of which had anything to do with Math.
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I'm not a bad student, my study breaks are just longer than my study time!
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That awkward moment when your mom thinks you have an attitude, when all you did was answer her question.
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137 Likes
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Brace yourself, random 'Merry Christmas' texts are coming.
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50 Likes
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