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Witty Funny Jokes Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Witty Funny Jokes" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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I forgot to post on Facebook that I was going to the gym...Now this whole work-out was a waste of time.
Unknown
308 Likes
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Why do women live longer than men? Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bills does.
Nishan Panwar
370 Likes
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I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.
Oscar Wilde
5 Likes
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I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.
Oscar Wilde
0 Likes
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Mom, thanks for bringing me into a world where love can be expressed electronically.
Unknown
30 Likes
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I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.
Oscar Wilde
2 Likes
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There are three sides to an argument, your side, my side, and the right side, which is still my side!
Unknown
111 Likes
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Pride only helps us to be generous; it never makes us so, any more than vanity makes us witty.
George Eliot
7 Likes
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I like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy.
Jarod Kintz
80 Likes
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I love you slightly more than I love dad.
Unknown
44 Likes
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One day I might just change all of my passwords to 'Women' since nobody can seem to figure them out.
Unknown
409 Likes
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When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.
Jack Handey
63 Likes
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Give a man a job and you have an employee. Teach a man how to shift blame and you have a manager.
Unknown
75 Likes
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Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together.
Unknown
195 Likes
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A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
Tommy Cooper
72 Likes
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A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
Robert Frost
397 Likes
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A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
Robert Frost
232 Likes
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Boy: is your name Google?, Girl: No!!... Why? Boy: Because you got everything I am searching for
Unknown
130 Likes
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Let me bi... at you every day until you sort your shit out.
Unknown
238 Likes
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99% of the time my brain is thinking blah, meh, why, huh, WTF, food and computers. The other 1% I'm usually asleep.
Unknown
204 Likes
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