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Funny Monday Woking Oneliner Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Funny Monday Woking Oneliner" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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I wanted to send you something AMAZING for Christmas but the mailman told me to get out of the mailbox...
Unknown
146 Likes
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When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas!
Hussein Nishah
270 Likes
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Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
Unknown
71 Likes
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Marriage is an institution in which a Man loses his Bachelors degree, and the Woman gets her Masters.
Nikhil Saluja
347 Likes
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There are two types of human beings found on Facebook. One who gets enormous amount of likes and comments on their posts. And the others are men.
Unknown
1102 Likes
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Friends are like underwear, always near you. Good friends are like condoms, always protecting you. Best friends are like viagra, lift you up when you are down.
Unknown
2145 Likes
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I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and run to my sister's house and ask her for money.
Kevin Meaney
175 Likes
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The best time to look for a job is when you already have one. Men apply the same theory to looking for a girlfriend.
Unknown
931 Likes
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This 2016 my resolution is to complete the resolution of 2015 that I should have completed in 2014.
Anurag Prakash Ray
45 Likes
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Movies these days have made killers into funny people. What's that all about? I've got kids and family and friends, and I don't like bad things. I don't think they're funny, and it's irresponsible to make movies that don't show you how that's not good.
Billy Bob Thornton
2 Likes
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Women are like internet viruses they enter your life, scan your pocket, edit your mind, download their problems, delete your smile...
Unknown
561 Likes
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Kids are price less. They are loud, funny, loveable, crazy, funny, and a hand full. Even though they look so peaceful and calm when they're sleeping, you just hope they wake up to see them smile or just hear the sound of little foot steps around the house.
Sinahi Martinez
69 Likes
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Let's resolve to repeat last year's mistakes.
Unknown
19 Likes
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Here's to ending the New Year still having a job that you still wish you didn't have.
Unknown
50 Likes
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I hate two-faced people. It's so hard to decide which face to slap first.
Unknown
764 Likes
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Who knew Rob Lowe was funny? On 'Parks and Rec,' we've got some of the funniest comedy writers, some of the funniest comedians in the world working there. And if anything, we don't just effuse to one another and be like, 'Oh, Rob Lowe's really funny,' if he wasn't.
Chris Pratt
0 Likes
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Unknown
222 Likes
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A fellow who has a funny bone can learn to hone his skills, but I don't think you can develop a funny bone - you either have it or you don't. And by the way - when you get it, we don't know it.
Carl Reiner
0 Likes
Good girls are found in every corner of earth. But unfortunately earth is round.
Anurag Prakash Ray
1495 Likes
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I think we're the only jokeless show on television. I mean really, we have no setups and no punch lines. It's not a joke show. There are funny lines and funny moments but again the comedy is born of the human experience and awkward pauses are a great part of what it is to be human.
Rainn Wilson
87 Likes
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