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Papers End Funny Quotes & Sayings
Showing search results for "Papers End Funny" sorted by relevance. 500 matching entries found.
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QUOTES
My wife is funny. And I dabble in it. So being funny is big around our house. But what's surprised me is my daughter can do an English accent. I don't know how she learned this.
Jerry Seinfeld
6 Likes
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Parent: What did you learn today? Student: Apparently not enough! We have to go back tomorrow!
Unknown
1256 Likes
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I just wanna be rich enough to have Morgan Freeman read me bedtime stories.
Unknown
255 Likes
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That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of another car and realize there's someone inside.
Unknown
631 Likes
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I accidentally bumped into my ex today...With my car...at 60mph...on purpose.
Unknown
933 Likes
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It's funny, when people talk about the 70s I can tell you the year of every album but when it comes to the later efforts I can't remember the exact years, it's funny isn't it?
Steve Hackett
9 Likes
There is no such thing as a broken family. Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart.
Unknown
111 Likes
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My bed and I have a special relationship, we're perfect for each other. But my alarm clock just hates seeing us together.
Unknown
509 Likes
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Before someone gets their drivers liscence they should have to beat Rainbow Road on Mario Kart without falling off.
Unknown
376 Likes
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Sati is hilarious all the time. She has a great sense of humor. She knows she's funny, too. Like whenever she does something cute, she gets this smile on her face and announces, 'Funny baby!'
Alyson Hannigan
9 Likes
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You put funny people in funny costumes and paint them green and we could talk about anything we wanted to, because that was the only thing that fascinated Gene about this particular genre.
Majel Barrett
107 Likes
When my girlfriend and I fight, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house. Just so I can say "Oh yeah, you need me NOW, huh?"
Unknown
1346 Likes
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My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my bed.
Unknown
2332 Likes
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Sometimes, when my underwear matches my outfit, it makes me feel like I really have my life together.
Unknown
281 Likes
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Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.
Unknown
170 Likes
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No matter how hard try to make you happy, in the end it's never good enough because I always end up hurting.
Unknown
177 Likes
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Dear God, my prayer for 2012 is a fat bank account and a thin body. Please don't mix these up like you did this year.
Unknown
241 Likes
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The day the world ends, no one will be there, just as no one was there when it began. This is a scandal. Such a scandal for the human race that it is indeed capable collectively, out of spite, of hastening the end of the world by all means just so it can enjoy the show.
Jean Baudrillard
126 Likes
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Life is an error-making and an error-correcting process, and nature in marking man's papers will grade him for wisdom as measured both by survival and by the quality of life of those who survive.
Jonas Salk
36 Likes
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Every Age has its own peculiar faith. Any attempt to translate into facts the mission of one Age with the machinery of another, can only end in an indefinite series of abortive efforts. Defeated by the utter want of proportion between the means and the end, such attempts might produce martyrs, but never lead to victory.
Giuseppe Mazzini
16 Likes
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